Eluxim - Lost in Silence (2008)


  1. Dream Calm (5:41)
  2. Falcata (2:50)
  3. Halo (6:26)
  4. Lost in Silence (9:16)
  5. Morbid Frost (10:32)
  6. Shadow of the Perfect Bliss (4:16)
  7. Source of Nostalgia (4:18)
  8. Tears Run Dry (9:48)
  9. Under the Bells of Doom (2:38)
  10. Hymn to Jesus (1:49)

This is a joke right? I sure hope so, because Eluxim is the hands-down worst pile of garbage I've ever listened to. I downloaded this album off a Blogspot page whereas it was labeled as Funeral Doom/Drone Metal. Hopes were high. I love Funeral Doom, and Drone is interesting enough to warrant a listen once in a while (usually when stoned, or as a soundtrack to a home-made horror film). But this shit is not Funeral Doom, nor is it Drone, or even Metal for that matter. Hell, I wouldn't even say this 'band' qualifies as soft rock. Where are the vocals? Non-existent. Maybe some bass? Nope. Synths? Children of Boredom still hogging those I see... Well, what about drums? Music's gotta have percussion right? I mean, especially in a Metal album. Nope. No dice grandma. Go fist yourself, because all that's presented on Lost in Silence is one – that's right, one guitar.

One electric guitar, tuned lower than Lindsay Lohan's self-esteem playing random, dissonant notes in each song on this ten track epic failure of an album. Not to mention that most of the tracks are overly long and tedious. Ever imagine what it would sound like if Helen Keller wrote an album? Yes, yes. We've all heard the new Metallica CD. But if Helen Keller can teach herself to recognize water, then surely I can recognize musical talent when it presents itself before me right? Well apparently not because I don't see anything resembling music, talent, or even sound on this sloppy mess of a CD. I, myself can sit in my room for an hour, tune my guitar to Drop A and just strike random frets on the bottom string for a prolonged amount of time. Fucking waste of hard drive space...

That's it. That's the review. I can't say shit about this shit, because this shit is shit! What more can I possibly deliver in terms of criticism? Each track is hella long, as boring as a dead prostitute, and contains no actual melody, substance, structure, or sound for that matter, other than a cheaply distorted electric guitar. It's times like these I reach for my Metallica CD's. Oh right. Burned those... Speaking of Metallica. They suck. But I'd rather listen to them right now instead of hearing one more 'song' off this heaping pile of regurgitated tuna salad. Seacrest out.



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